Dear Abby: My daughter has been diagnosed with a disease. Shortly thereafter, she decided to marry a man she met. I don’t like this guy and have a hard time relating to him. They moved to another state and I asked him not to bring her to this house. But he brings her at every opportunity and treats her as if it were his own home. I am currently doing consulting to help me find a solution to this problem.

My daughter is also in counseling and claims this is partly due to me. He’s having surgery soon and I decided not to stay at their house because I would feel like a hypocrite. I decided to stay in a hotel and come to their house just to help her. Am I wrong to handle the situation this way?

I don’t want to upset my daughter and I’m sorry our relationship has become so complicated. He is a person who must control everything. Talking to him is out of the question because it would lead to a fight and huge disrespect on his part. I tend to shut down and retreat. What should I do?

– discreet in Texas

Dear Temkinli: I am glad to hear that you are participating in counseling. Please discuss with your counselor how you would be courteous to your daughter when she brings your son-in-law with her when she comes to visit you. (They may have little choice.) For your mental health, keep these visits short.

It makes sense to stay in a hotel when you go to help your daughter after the surgery. This will give you some quiet time to recover from the pressure of caring for her and being exposed to her husband. There is no need to shout; It is important that your daughter’s recovery is as stress-free as possible.

As for him being controlling, it may be time to ask yourself where this tendency might be coming from.

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