I love ordering lots of appetizers as my meal, but why do I feel judged when I do this at a non-tapas restaurant? When people go somewhere tapas It is generally understood that everyone in the restaurant will share a variety of small plates. The server will guide you on how many items should be ordered based on the number of people at the table, and you’ll start shouting out what you want most. one for me fussy eater For someone who doesn’t particularly like sharing food, ordering at a tapas restaurant is a convoluted process. Someone suggested the mushroom and garlic dish with an order of ceviche and everyone jumped at the opportunity and there I was, “I actually don’t like mushrooms or unfried seafood.”

The atmosphere at the table is clearing, but the food is still added to the order, and I know I’ll be paying for a percentage of food that I have no intention of eating. When I suggest Spanish meatballs and croquetas de jamón serrano, everyone enthusiastically agrees, but I think, “No, these were just for me.” It continues.

Most of the time, the appetizers and side dishes on the menu are the things I want the most. Give me a fried calamari, a serving of macaroni and cheese, and a Caesar salad, and I’m good. In a tapas restaurant this is 100% acceptable, but in almost any other restaurant this seems odd. Never mind that the server will question whether that’s “all” I want. I heard my husband say “So you don’t order an entrée?” It doesn’t matter what he says. I like to order what I want to eat, and if there are a million appetizers available, so be it. Just because it’s called an appetizer doesn’t mean it should be eaten before anything else.

The server seems confused when I occasionally order multiple apps as my meal. “I’ll have all of these as my main course,” I say. “So you want mozzarella sticks at the same time as the grilled salmon?” They approve. “Yes that’s true. I have apps for dinner.

I can only imagine what would happen if I wanted dessert before my cheese stuck. The kitchen can grind to a halt trying to get two different sections of the line to coordinate the synchronization of the meal. I’ve been in this situation myself and it’s not as easy as it should be.

When I’m at a Mexican restaurant, I won’t order slow-braised pork shoulder or seared salmon fillet with green bean escabeche over creamed stewed zucchini with jalapeno, corn kernels, and cilantro. No, I head to the appetizer section for some chicken flautas, queso fundido with chorizo, and a side of guacamole and fries. If I’m at a gastropub, I’ll have French onion soup, some crab cakes, and grated pear salad. Italian restaurant? As long as there are no mushrooms, I will happily order the burrata, polpette and arancini. If so, I’ll take another order of any type of cheese, please.

The thing is, we can order whatever we want from a menu, and the part that that food comes from doesn’t make any sense. Meze, primi, secondi, hot starters, and cold starters are not a definitive direction, but merely suggestions for when something should be eaten. There’s no basic culinary rule that states that fried mozzarella should be eaten before anything more important. Why should a plate of three sliders be considered an appetizer, while a large burger has to be the main feature? These sliders are equally delicious whether called an app or an entree.

Have we entered the 21st century and learned that labels don’t matter? If you want to order a million little apps and call it dinner, you can. I do and I don’t call them tapas.