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Dear Abby: I want my sister to see a therapist but she’s using me as a ‘counsellor’
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Dear Abby: I want my sister to see a therapist but she’s using me as a ‘counsellor’

DEAR ABBY: My beloved sister is going through difficult times. He tells me his problems, and I happily listen and give advice. While I’m willing to listen and help, I really think he would benefit from seeing a therapist to help him work through some of his challenges. I also know that the decisions are hers to make, and I don’t want my perspectives to get in the way when I say something she might not agree with.

How can I suggest she get professional help without seeming like I’m pushing her away and discouraging her from sharing her feelings with me? When I mentioned therapy a few years ago, he said I should be his therapist. I told her that was nice, but therapists have unique skills that I don’t have.

My sister has a very limited income and I’m not sure how much her insurance will cost. He thinks therapy is “good” but has never actually done it. He often says he can handle these issues on his own, and I suspect he will be resistant to counseling because it would be like surrendering. Recommendation? — HELP SISTER IN COLORADO

DEAR SISTER: Tell your sister that you love her but want her to discuss her issues with a licensed psychotherapist because she hasn’t made progress in the years she’s relied on you. This is the truth. Refer him to his health insurance company because the company can provide him with a list of approved therapists. If this is not appropriate, low-cost counseling is available from your local mental health services department or a college or university with a psychology department.

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Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact dear Abby at: www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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Order “How to Have a Beautiful Wedding” for everything you need to know about wedding planning. Send your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, PO Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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