DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced from my ex-husband “Paul” for 20 years. I never married again. The divorce was mostly my fault because I was unfaithful. We never tried to save our marriage. They started dating immediately and remarried 18 months later. We have remained friends as we have four children and now grandchildren. I also get along with his wife.

I moved across the country with an adult child during the pandemic. Paul and his wife followed us. We live about an hour apart. As a result, three of our four children moved in with us. I have realized that I miss Paul in the last two years and I have hopes that we will be together again. (He doesn’t know that.) I did not disrespect his marriage or his current spouse in any way.

They have a unique relationship because they often spend time apart and travel to see their families without each other. I think they take separate holidays from time to time. I know it’s not necessarily a measure of their love or commitment, but something tells me this isn’t the marriage they want people to believe.

Something tells me he might feel the same way I do. I think you often wish you had done more to save our marriage. Should I tell him how I feel? I’m happy in my life, but I don’t want to regret not saying so openly if we have a chance to be reunited and be the family I know God intended us to be. Any advice? — REGRET IN ALABAMA

DEAR REPENTANT: Oh my God, you are definitely having a self-serving conversation with God that you should have been talking to before committing adultery and destroying your marriage. Although it may seem unusual, many couples visit their families separately, and some even take short vacations if their partners are not interested.

Do yourself a favor and look for romance elsewhere. Your ex and his wife will be very happy if you do this. Please think before embarrassing yourself.

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Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact dear Abby at: www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.