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Dear Annie: I’m being ostracized by a friend I’ve accepted into my circle.
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Dear Annie: I’m being ostracized by a friend I’ve accepted into my circle.

Dear Annie: I live in New York and have had a solid group of friends for the last decade. We are all young, gay professionals in our 20s and 30s.

A few years ago, an acquaintance joined us. It was initially a welcome addition and we welcomed it with open arms. However, over time I noticed some disturbing behavior.

He has developed a habit of assuming social situations, often ignoring others’ stories or making negative comments about people he barely knows. It feels like he’s trying to dominate conversations and overshadow long-standing friendships. I recently learned that he organizes holidays and social events without involving me, mostly with people I introduced him to.

When I confronted him about this last summer, he dismissed it as a “miscommunication.” He has expressed remorse and assured me that he loves me and my family, but his actions do not seem to match his words. I’m not sure if I want to continue having a friendship with him, but I’m also not sure how I’ll handle this situation in my tight-knit group of friends. What should I do? — Outcast in NYC

Dear Outsiders: Normally, I would recommend that you communicate directly and honestly with this gentleman, share your feelings and try to resolve the issues. However, it looks like you’ve already tried and been rejected. Any other conversation is likely to fall on deaf ears.

Focus on other friendships in your group where your efforts are appreciated and reciprocated. Don’t make this a bigger deal than it already is; There’s no need to draw bad blood or force a relationship between the two of you – but trust your instincts. It’s there for a reason.

Read more Dear Annie And other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” It’s out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology of her favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication, and compromise is available in paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send questions to Annie Lane at: [email protected].