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Miss Manners: I bought a house in the resort area. Now friends and distant relatives come out of the wood
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Miss Manners: I bought a house in the resort area. Now friends and distant relatives come out of the wood

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a young adult purchasing a home in one of the highest-priced resort areas in the country; This is a financially challenging purchase, but worth it.

Although I love my friends and family, when they found out where I lived, I was amazed at the number of people who wanted to come out of the woods and visit. There were everyone from distant acquaintances from college to my cousins ​​who had rarely spoken to me before. I’ve lived all over the country, and when I lived in Nebraska or Kansas, no one bothered to visit.

Shortly after I bought my house, I felt like I was being taken advantage of and the reason for the visit was not to spend time with me, but my living situation. I quickly learned to set personal boundaries so that the place I lived did not turn into a dormitory. But some time has passed and I’m in a better position to host occasionally.

However, doing so is financially burdensome; If I allowed every friend to visit even once a season, I would suffocate. Many friends asked and added: My utilities would be unmanageable in this high cost area. As much as it sucks, I’d be more inclined to host if people offered to contribute towards utilities and food because I’d be saving them at least $300 per night on a hotel. But this might seem like I’m treating my friends like short-term tenants.

I’m considering letting a few friends stay here for a weekend, but I’m worried it will open the floodgates and disturb the other friends. I also don’t have the interest or energy to host every weekend.

Is it rude to ask guests to contribute? Thoughts on where to draw the line?

Gentle Reader: Here’s a new idea: You only host the guests you decide to invite. Repeat Mrs. Manners’ words: “This is my house, and I am the only one authorized to make the invitation.”

And you can add: “… whenever and wherever I want.”

Of course, this is never what you should tell others. Instead, people who try to usurp that privilege should be told in a contrite tone: “I’m sorry, I’m not doing much fun right now” (which you won’t do once you unload the self-inviters who aren’t interested). visit you elsewhere).

Turning your home into a vacation spot without permission is not a solution. If the costs are still too much, you can say to your guests, “I’d like you to stay, but I can’t provide food,” and hope they’ll be kind enough to take you out.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am invited to a wedding where the invitation comes with a color palette of what I will wear.

Is this a new trend? It looks a bit challenging. What are you thinking?

KIND READER: They request that guests act as extras in their fantasies, wearing costumes as background props.

Please submit your questions to Miss Manners’ website. www.missmanners.com; to his email, [email protected]; or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syntaining, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.