Dear Eric: A few months ago, I reached out to my sister to express my concerns about two of our siblings. His response minimized my concerns and focused on him and his problems. I responded to his negative answer with my own swiftness.

He sent them screenshots of what I said about our brothers. They were understandably upset with me, but I made amends with both of them.

He hasn’t talked to me since. I wrote him a letter asking him to meet with me so we could see how to put this argument behind us. No confirmation or response. He has two teenage children that I am in contact with, and he has not acknowledged milestones in my young adult children’s lives. What can I do to reconnect?

—Little Sister

Dear Sister: It sounds like your sister is more interested in inciting drama than making meaningful connections, so I’m not sure there’s a way to force her to change right now. In the relatively short history of text messaging, sending screenshots of a text conversation to the subject of the conversation has rarely been used as a means of de-escalation.

It is notable that he also separates himself from your children. So, if we’re keeping score (not usually helpful in families, but perhaps illustrative here) – he fueled conflict with your brothers, ghosted you, and deliberately deprived himself of a relationship with his niece/nephew. This sounds like someone who is in a lot of pain or has a lot of bad temper. Or both.

He probably has a complaint that is not limited to this change. So your instinct to compromise is the right one. But for this to happen, he needs to make different choices. If he is not ready or willing, then you need to wait and try again in the future.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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